i've already forgiven you, jerk

forgiveness is something that comes almost accidently to me. i know that some people have to work very hard on forgiving others but i find it very difficult to hold a grudge.

sometimes i think this is a good thing but sometimes i think it's almost a weakness. I don't know why, but i just seem to automatically see the good in people. and when they wrong me, i tend to be able to see all the reasons why they would have done it. and i usually just end up feeling sorry for them. i care about people who don't care about me. i show respect to people who have no respect. and i can always find an excuse for their actions.

how is this even a good thing??

i keep people in my life who are disgusting and false and i make excuses for them.

"oh, his best friend died."

"oh, his parents cheated on each other."

"oh, she's just young and will grow out of it."

"oh, he's just confused."

i feel like i am easily wrapped around someone's little finger, all for the mistake of believing the best of them. my naivety is constantly taken advantage of.

and for this, i only have myself to blame.

so how do i protect myself without resorting to a shield of bitterness and mistrust?

how do i keep my heart full of hope in people without it getting trampled?

i'm sick of this.