virus

I'm beginning to think that humanity has fallen into some insidious trap... No one seems to be quite aware of it and most days we think we are fighting it. But slowly and surely, our immunity is worn down and the fabric of our humanity is wearing thin.

It's rather cunning really, an unnamed virus buried in our cells... waiting to ambush us when the time is right, when we are at our lowest.

I'm pretty sure my eyes aren't playing tricks. I'm pretty sure you can see it everywhere:

The tendency of humans to lie, to hide the things we are not proud of. We are hiding from our dearest friends, from ourselves in an attempt to remain lovable. We put our best face forward knowing that it is a necessary cross to bear in order to uphold our best interests.

Our best interests... do we even know what these are? We are constantly reshuffling who we are on a conscious and subconscious level to create a version of ourselves that we are happy with, that we are happy to present to others. We do this so we don't have to be alone. And in doing so we end up lonely. Because when we do this, no one really knows or accepts the real us. And we certainly don't know or accept ourselves.

Yes, yes, yes, we say that we do. But who stares unflinching into their blackness? Who isn't anything more than a scarred little child in the dark, afraid of walking in a haunted house alone?

I've been on the run for years, trying to avoid the disease of my humanity, convinced that if I shine bright enough that I can keep it at bay. But it always returns, snapping at my heals and chasing me without tiring.

I don't want to be selfish anymore, always looking to protect myself...

I don't want to run anymore, lying and hiding from the parts of me I'm not proud of...

I don't want to be alone anymore,

backing myself into a corner

with my hands over my ears yelling loudly over and over again,

"I don't regret anything."

So loudly that i can't hear you whisper,

"I still love you".