won't you let me take a peak?

I wish I could tug at the fabric of this world's curtain and pull it apart ever so slightly so I could peer into the next one. I think if only I knew what was next, I could ensure that I live properly and make this life mean something.

I'm not too happy about the idea of drawing conclusions about something for which there is no evidence. And there is no one to ask because the wisest of us can only cling to speculation.

I know people say "this is where faith comes in". But how do you choose which faith when there are so many? All of them conflicting and yet united over one point: WE most certainly are absolutely right.

How lovely it must be to have faith. Assurance. To shut the doors of the mind to all those gaping questions.

Belief is a pillow you buy to rest your weary head on and make life more comfortable. Faith is the warm blanket you cover yourself with in this cold, endless universe. And you can crawl so deep under the covers, like you did when you were a child. You can forget where you are and feel, for the first time since you were small, COMFORT.

I don't know that I am allowed this luxury.

But from the bottom of my heart I know that I want to make this life count. And the only thing i know that matters is loving and struggling to keep my heart open. I don't know how I know that this is important or why the desire to keep struggling runs so deep in me. All I know is that when I do this, I become alive and it gives dignity to my existence.